Slumber Party
by Ivi Poison
Summary: It's common knowledge that with the dagger, the Dark One can be controlled. But with forced control comes anger and hatred and resentment. Instead, Regina decides to return the dagger to Emma, who can't understand why she's choosing to trust her when she can't even trust herself. {Swan Queen}


Emma knows Regina has the dagger.

She knows because she can feel it. Because she can feel _her_. She'd never expected the connection between her and the dagger to be so…visceral, but here she is, being forced to focus on another person's feelings like they're her own. But they're also so clearly not her own. Emma's emotions are in turmoil and she feels like her insides are being twisted, but worse than that, Regina is upset. Regina is upset and she wants Emma to come to her and it's taking everything in Emma's power to ignore her.

She's almost grateful for the distraction from herself, but the darkness is still swirling through her, and she has no intention of bringing it anywhere near her family. She's in the woods towards the edge of town. It's safe here, although she's isolated from everybody she's ever known, and she hopes to god Regina will ignore her feelings and instead have the common sense to leave her alone.

She should have known she wouldn't be so lucky.

Magic rushes through her veins and she grits her teeth as she tries to fight the compulsion to follow her link to the dagger. For a moment she almost thinks she might beat it, but it's too strong and then a second wave washes over her and the next thing she knows she's standing in Regina's bedroom. The mayor is looking at her with overwhelming relief.

"Stay back," Emma warns instantly, and it's foolish because Regina has the dagger and obviously Emma can't hurt her but she's _furious_. How could Regina, of all people, think it would be okay to force her like this? If she'd wanted to leave the woods, she would have. She had thought Regina would be the one person to understand and even to protect her, but clearly she'd placed too much trust in her. A wave of nausea hits her as she realizes she might never have full control of herself again.

But Regina shakes her head, and she smiles, and Emma sees red until she realizes the mayor is doing the one thing she never expected her to do: she's offering her the dagger.

"You left this behind," she says. "I wanted to see that it got back to you."

And Emma's mouth drops because she's sure this must be a trap somehow. But she can still feel Regina, and the other woman isn't even nervous. She's sure about this decision and she has faith in Emma and that gives her the courage to reach out and take the dagger.

Still, she lifts it cautiously, maintaining eye contact with Regina, who gives her an encouraging smile. But it's only a smile. Emma can't feel her anymore; she's alone with the darkness again and she doesn't know if she's grateful.

"Thank you," she says anyway, and then, "Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" Regina asks, as though the answer is obvious. "It belongs to you. It wouldn't be fair for me, or for any of us, to try to use it against you."

Emma stares at her. She can't understand this blind faith the other woman is placing in her, and she isn't sure she would have done the same thing in her position. That makes her feel beyond guilty. "Aren't you afraid I'll hurt you?"

There's a challenge in her voice. It's a test, and Regina knows it. She smirks like nothing has changed, and somehow Emma knows that she's the only one who won't be walking on eggshells around the new Dark One. "Let me think about that for a moment. Am I concerned that the woman who sacrificed herself for me might suddenly decide she wants to harm me? No. No, I am not."

And Emma doesn't like that answer, because she knows she doesn't deserve to have this much trust placed in her. If the dagger hadn't forced her not to, she might very well have hurt Regina for having the audacity to summon her. She'd certainly _wanted_ to, and in her opinion, that was bad enough. She needs to make Regina see that as the Dark One, she's a danger to her and to everyone else. To make her see that she's made a mistake with her misplaced faith.

"You should be," Emma growls. "What if I've changed my mind about it? What if I'm angry that you've got your happiness and instead I'm stuck with this and I want to make you pay for it?"

But Regina simply lifts an eyebrow, unimpressed, and now Emma _is_ getting annoyed and she can feel the anger rising and Regina doesn't have the dagger to stop her anymore but Emma doesn't want to hurt her so she shoves the dagger at her instead. "Take this back."

"No," Regina says.

"Don't be stupid, Regina," Emma snaps. "This isn't a good time for heroics." She locks eyes with the other woman, hoping that she sees the darkness lurking within. "I could hurt you. I _want_ to hurt you."

"But you won't," Regina says, her voice so firm that she must believe it's true, but she's wrong. She doesn't seem fazed at all by what Emma's saying and Emma can't handle not being taken seriously right now, she can't handle these feelings that she never wanted and the anger is starting to overwhelm her.

She needs Regina to be safe but she can't guarantee that she will be so she thrusts the dagger towards her again and she screams, "TAKE IT!" and she thinks surely that will be enough to convince Regina that her life is at risk. But it's clearly not, because Emma is shaking and all Regina does is place her hands over Emma's on the dagger and again she says, "No." And all Emma can do is stare at her in disbelief.

"You're an idiot," she snarls, but she can feel the fury dissipating with Regina's touch and the other woman just shrugs.

"If having faith in Emma Swan makes me an idiot, then I'll gladly be one." And Emma isn't sure if she wants to kill her or kiss her, but then Regina squeezes her hand and she smiles and of course it's the latter. It always is. But this is a different desire than the one she's used to. She wants to slam Regina against the wall and she wants to kiss her until she can't breathe and she wants to make her beg. And she knows that's the darkness and not her.

So instead of that she rips away from Regina's grip, and she turns to leave because she knows she has to fight the need for power however she can. But as she gets ready to disappear, Regina says, "Emma, wait. Please."

And how can she say no to _that_ so she turns back around and she spits, _"What?"_

"Where are you staying?" Regina asks. She's somehow managed to maintain a pleasant tone and a calm demeanor throughout this entire interaction and Emma desperately wishes she could do the same. "Henry is with your parents. I have a guest bedroom. We hoped you might decide to make use of it."

"'We'?" Emma echoes, but she doesn't need the clarification. The idea of her family standing around making decisions for her pisses her the fuck off, but the look in Regina's eyes makes her want to stay so badly. Still… "I don't think I'm much in the mood for sleeping tonight."

"Then I'll stay up with you," Regina suggests mildly, and for a moment Emma thinks it's because she doesn't trust her after all, but then she remembers she's holding the dagger in her hand. Regina could have used that dagger to do anything she wanted, and what she'd wanted to do was return it to Emma. So her motivation couldn't be anything more than not wanting Emma to be alone, and she supposes she appreciates that.

Still, though, she can't resist the urge to take the upper hand. She _has_ to be the one in control; it's a compulsion now and maybe it's not impossible to resist but she doesn't want to try. "I'm a little old for slumber parties, Regina."

And the dejected look on Regina's face gives her a satisfying rush of power that makes her feel fucking terrible so she says quickly, "Wait. No. I didn't mean to say that. Ask me again. Please."

Regina tilts her head, studying Emma as though she's trying to separate the real her from the darkness inside. Then her expression changes and one corner of her mouth quirks up in a smirk.

"Would you like to have a slumber party?" she asks in a lightweight, teasing tone that Emma couldn't have been happier to hear, because the reminder of their familiar banter allows her to push the urges away.

"Yes." And it's a victory, because her brain is screaming at her to say something horrible so she can feel that amazing rush of power again, but she fights it. It's hard but she fights it, because she never wants to hurt Regina Mills ever again. And she thinks that goal might just be the thing that carries her through.

The smile the mayor gives her makes her heart beat faster even now, and quiets the craving for power to the point where Emma manages to give her a shaky smile back. "Perfect. Let's go braid each other's hair, shall we?"

And Emma might have laughed except that Regina takes her by the hand and _god_ why is she touching her so much. Does she think it will remind Emma that she's not alone? Because it's not working. She just wants to squeeze Regina's fingers until they break or she wants to use that arm to pull her closer until their lips crush together, and she pulls out of Regina's grip because she doesn't know which would be worse.

Regina gives her a curious look. "I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Emma says quickly, before the impulses can have her saying something like _yes, you're a horrible person and i hate you and i hope you die_ , and she shakes her head. "I'm just…not really in the mood for human contact right now. You know?"

And it's a lie, obviously, because she's never not in the mood for human contact with Regina, but the other woman seems to buy it. She flashes her a concerned look that makes power course through Emma's body because she's lied, and she's manipulated her, and that just feels so goddamn good and _fuck_ what is she going to do about this? "Emma…you're still human. You do know that. Right?"

"Of course I know that," Emma snaps. But she isn't sure she's human anymore. Not really. And the look Regina gives her tells her that she knows Emma's doubting herself, and that just makes her angry because nobody deserves to know what she's feeling so she squeezes her eyes shut to try to block it all out but she just can't. It's been maybe half an hour of dealing with another living being and she's already so full of rage she isn't sure she can contain it.

She really wishes Regina would take the dagger back, because she had a lot more control when somebody else's feelings were blocking the darkness, but she knows it isn't an option. Regina is determined to make sure she has her freedom and anyway, she should be learning to handle this herself.

That isn't working out so well.

She's been on edge all night and now, inexplicably, she's been pushed over. Emotions crash over her like waves, and she feels like she's drowning. Every time she thinks she can focus on one feeling, another appears and she thinks at some point she dropped to the ground and she's dimly aware that her hands are covering her ears as if that will stop the noise and maybe she's screaming or maybe that's just inside her head.

"Emma?" Regina's worried voice cuts through the fog of emotions like a knife. "Emma. Emma, listen to me."

"Shut up," Emma grates out through gritted teeth. "Just shut up!" But she needs Regina to keep talking, because her words are calming her down. Unfortunately that isn't what the darkness wants, and she knows she's losing this battle, so she makes one last-ditch attempt to save herself – and to save Regina. Blindly, she reaches out for the other woman's hand and grasps it.

Regina squeezes. "Emma, I'm right here. You're going to be okay. Emma. Can you tell me what's happening?"

And Emma thinks she shakes her head but she isn't sure. She does know she's gripping Regina's hand so tightly she thinks it might fall off, but the mayor responds by adding her other hand and grasping with a force so hard it almost hurts. The physical pressure forces Emma out of her own head and back into reality, and when she opens her eyes, she's blinking back tears.

"Emma," Regina says again, and her smile has its own tears attached.

"I…" She lets go of Regina's hand and turns away. "Let's go downstairs. Braiding each other's hair, right?"

Her emotions are all mixed up. She's ashamed that Regina is seeing her this way and guilty that she's been dragged into this and perhaps most of all, she's furious that she let the other woman calm her down. Emma doesn't know what to do so she starts down the stairs, ignoring the concerned expression on Regina's face.

There are so many things she wants to say to her, but she can't. Like how she's afraid Regina is the only thing preserving whatever tiny shred of humanity she might have left and she's terrified to lose her but she has to keep pushing her away, how she's trying so hard not to but she doesn't have a choice.

She just has to hope Regina will find a way to understand on her own.


End file.
